Well, the cat is out of the bag! Hubby announced on Facebook a few days ago that we are pregnant! It will be our second baby - and we are so excited to announce that it's a healthy baby girl! Our family and friends have known for a while now, but we decided to share the good news with our extended online family, namely you!
I am floored. I couldn't have imagined being a wife with a sweet little boy and now, a precious little girl. I can say that I am seriously blessed. God has done so much for our family and He's taught us so much. God's favor toward us is not because of anything we could have done on our own, it's all because of Him. Just Him. His goodness, grace, faithfulness, love, and mercy towards us. He gets all the glory.
Since we found out we were having a girl, I have just been quiet in my heart (along with feeling emotional and hungry) and I've been thinking. Pondering. And truthfully, worrying a little bit.
I've wondered (worried) if I'll be a good mom to my daughter. I've wondered (worried) if I will be a good example of what it means to be a godly young woman, a godly wife, and a godly friend. Her little eyes are going to be looking at me. I've been praying, y'all. Because I'll admit, having a girl makes me a little nervous.
My biological mother and I had a rough relationship when I was growing up. After her and my dad divorced, our nearness unraveled. I had a great relationship with my dad but I didn't have that special mother/daughter bond I longed for as a young woman and even as a young adult. It was hard, I harbored so much resentment and unforgiveness. Not only that but it was difficult making female friends because I longed for a mother figure. I tried too hard and was so imbalanced in my heart. I longed for things from other women that only my mother could give. It was a difficult road. But God kept me. Through it all, He has shown me His love, His acceptance, His validation and His affirmation. He has poured into my heart and has called me His own forever.
By God's grace, my mother and I have a better relationship than we've ever had before. I love her and have forgiven her. God is faithfully redeeming the time between us. God is restoring her heart and He is restoring mine. I praise God for that because we are only growing together better and better as time goes on.
So, each time fear tries to rise up, I have to allow God to remind me that He is with me. He has broken that generational curse. The blood of Jesus covers me as a mother to my children. The blood of Jesus coves me as a wife to my husband. He is reminding me, even now, that I am His and nothing, no-one can take me out His hand or separate me from His love (John 10:29, Romans 8:38-39). Over the years, He has helped me and given me the tools I need to become a wife to my husband, Tyson. He's helped me and given me the tools to be a mother to our first born, Elijah. So, I know - because God is faithful and has never failed me yet - will help me and give me the tools to be a mother to our sweet girl.
Even further, God has a special, unique purpose for my daughter and I pray I will encourage her in that always. We love her so much already. We are so excited to love on her and show her what it means to love Jesus together as a family.
And oh my gosh! Elijah, our baby boy is going to have a little sister. My heart is so glad about that. Elijah is going to be such a great big brother and friend to her. He loves babies so much. He's gentle and very sweet with them. We've been preparing him by taking him to the appointments to see his sister on the ultrasound. So, every time he sees her picture at home, he says, "baby!" He hugs my belly often and will even give his sis a little kiss. So sweet. Even though they will be 3 years apart, my prayer is that they will grow up together, loving each other. I am so hopeful to see how their friendship will develop and grow over the years.
And then there's us. Tyson and I. My life partner and best friend. We have come through so much together. I love Tyson with my whole heart. He has led our family through smooth and rough terrain. He has weathered storms that would usually break a man, but he has kept his eyes on Jesus and has followed after Him. God has strengthened my husband, He has kept him, and He has blessed him in many ways. We have grown so much since the beginning of our marriage, though my pregnancy with Elijah and even more with this pregnancy. We've knitted together in a stronger way. We are not perfect and we have not arrived, in anyway shape or form, we are challenged and go through hard times just like everyone else. However, we are in it to win it and we are putting all of our hope and trust in Jesus. He is our only Hope. We are in expectation about what God is going to do with us. So thankful about it all.
Wow. I'm a mother to be for the second time. What a blessing. As I mentioned earlier, for the longest time, with this pregnancy, I've been speechless about it. God really had to give me the words for this post because I had none. Not because I wasn't overjoyed, but because I was so overjoyed. I have been gladly resting in my heart knowing that Jesus has been faithful to me throughout my life. For 30 years, the Lord has kept me. I've gone through hard seasons, saddening seasons and seasons of brokenness, but God, my Savior, He is restoring me. What I've sown in tears, I will reap in joy. (Psalm 126:5) God is a restorer. He's restoring and making me better than I've ever been. Not for my glory, but only for His. I'm very thankful.
So now, I get it. I get why the hard things come, it's to develop a character of trusting and following Jesus, no matter what. It's about developing a mindset that knows that the Lord will never change, He and His Word will forever remain the same. Even if our circumstances throw us for a loop, even when devastation comes upon us, these things don't change God. I rest in this. I prayerfully, hope to pass that on to our children. I hope to always remind them that Jesus loves them and that He is faithful.
I pray that we will remind them that God has been good to us, their parents, and if they put their hand in His, just like we did, He will lead them and show Himself to be strong and faithful to them. Praying we will be living testimonies to our babies, our next generation, our legacy. Praying that we leave a mark on them that reflects the love and grace of Jesus Christ.
Big shout out to our new church family at Mosaic CLT! We took these announcement pictures there and so many people chipped into making it perfect for us.
Thanks to all who celebrate this blessing with us and thanks to you for reading!